There’s someone I know, with a long track record of questionable behaviour, who behaved in a way I didn’t think possible.
It is quite rare for me to be shocked by someone’s behaviour. But shocked I was, flabbergasted even. If you know me you’ll know I’m rarely speechless. But then I felt sad. So horribly sad for someone who will always feel the world has wronged them. I’ve done a fair bit of soul searching in my life. I’m a fair person, and I sure as hell will always be prepared to look at myself, work on myself. But there are times when you reflect back that you just have to take a deep breath and say “It’s not me. My slate is clean.”
It’s a difficult thing to see in yourself, this being a victim. However, it’s so common nowadays. People are always looking for someone to blame. Every little thing happens to the victim; everything is always someone else’s fault. The person, institution, government – everything and everyone is always against the victim. What these types of people fail to understand is this: YOU ARE GIVING AWAY ALL OF YOUR POWER.
No matter what happens to us in this life, we always have a choice. Don’t get me wrong. Shitty things happen. Shitty people, assholes happen. Sometimes life is blimmen unfair. But our choice is this: how do I choose to react? And when you’re feeling down and out and like the whole world is against you, that might seem like a dickhead thing to say. But by god, it’s the truth. You always have the choice of how you react. In anger, or a state of calm. With a positive, can-do, pick-myself-up-and-try-again attitude, or feeling like you’re always getting a raw deal.
You always have a choice. Look on the bright side. Make a decision. Take action. Look at a situation from someone else’s perspective. Try some empathy. Ask for help – there are so many good people in this work, just waiting in the wings.
Unfortunately people with a victim mentality are unable to let go of anger, and the perceived (or real) injustices suffered. They believe they are entitled to sympathy, that they are owed something, without ever questioning the consequences of their actions. There is no responsibility. And again, they have no power. They’ve given it away.
I came across some wise words while trawling the webs. Armstrong Williams says, “Victim mentality only creates helplessness, the most maddening, miserable and upsetting of mental states. In fact, it is commonly reported that nothing triggers madness like a sense of helplessness. It is a cousin of paranoia, a sense that the world is out to get you, that there is some opposition, some rivalry between you and the world. This is a warped, twisted mentality that offers no benefits, and, more importantly, is manifestly false.” I couldn’t agree more.
Your thoughts? Come on, I can take it. I think.